Dr. Cupid, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Celebrate Valentine’s Day Anyway (Part 1)

There is no right or wrong way, here. I’m just as likely to want to cuddle up and watch Roman Holiday (my two favorite old Hollywood actors!) as I am Dr. Strangelove (the comedy is timeless, and my Gemini Venus needs the inclusion of the cerebral to feel fulfilled romantically). I mean, talk about opposite ends of the spectrum. And either way, I’m going to enjoy myself! As this is my twenty-ninth Valentine’s Day, but only my first one celebrating with a significant other, so I think it’s safe to say I’ve got a pretty good handle on the full spectrum of emotions associated with February 14th. 

You could be at the ‘“The Ghost of Saint Valentine” by Bayside’ point on said spectrum:

“There is no love, just appetite, and its consequences keep you up at night. Your appetite is lust at best, and it’s up to us to figure out the rest.”

You could agree with this tidbit from a salon based out of Austin, Texas – Cute Nail Studio – which was posted on their Instagram:

“For me, February 14th peaked in elementary school with class parties and trading those cute little valentines with like 20 other kids.”

Or you could be like my wonderful mom, in love with love, and sharing it with everyone you come in contact with.

I know I resonate with all of these examples, and I’d bet I’m not alone. As a kid, Valentine’s Day seemed so innocent and good-natured, but then hormones grabbed hold and with it, bitterness at every date-less 14th since. That may be an exaggeration, but the sentiment stands. Valentine’s Day carries with it so much competition, so many expectations! Every year, on this one day, the fate of every relationship hangs in the balance!

Or so Hollywood would have you think…

Referring back to what my mom taught me, and then Leslie Knope a few years later, Valentine’s Day isn’t relegated to romantic love. Growing up, my sisters and I would wake up to adorable treat bags from my mom that focused on each of our favorite hobbies, and we’d start the day knowing that we were loved, and understood. Thanks to popularization by Parks & Recreation, Galentine’s Day became the unofficial way to celebrate our female friendships the day before Valentine’s.

I’ve only been able to celebrate Galentine’s and Valentine’s Days up until now, and while moody-teenaged Cassie might have felt shafted by that, nearly-thirty-years Cassie is content with her journey through love. In spite of all the fanfare, the commercialism, the absurdity, I’m choosing to enjoy February 14th however I (and my S.O.) feel like it! I’m going to text my family, I’m going to say hi to my friends, I’m going to spend it like I do every day: 

Communicating to those in my life just how damn much I appreciate them.

But I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge just how much I (and everyone else) enjoy giving and getting gifts at every special occasion! Without delving into love languages, I truly believe that everyone appreciates a gift that makes them feel understood by their family/friend/date/spouse/etc.

The best way to understand someone is to talk to them, but constructive communication takes time, and it requires both parties to know how to listen without the desire to respond. If you feel the relationship you’d like to celebrate isn’t quite there yet, no worries! Perhaps I could interest you in Valentine’s Day at home, exchanging gifts based on your preferred expression of your gender and astrological Sun (or Moon, if you know it!) sign, where afterwards you and your date engage in listening to understand each other? That is, of course, if the date is going well and you’re hoping to keep seeing each other!

I cannot stress enough, don’t put too much expectation on the relationship over this one day. It’s one day. That’s it. I promise, relationships are not built, nor do then end over one day. Acknowledge the love you have around you, acknowledge the love you have for yourself, and cultivate understanding for the relationships that work to understand you, too. Love is kind of awesome, when you allow it to be!

You’re probably wondering what I meant by “expression of gender” and Sun or Moon signs, so here’s a quick rundown of both:

Defining Gender: Buy for the Sign!

Instead of basing this gift guide on the gender binary (Man/Woman), I’m choosing to base it on the expression of gender, whether femme, masc, or non-binary. Gender is in no way an either/or identity, and I want this gift guide to be inclusive on the basis that just because a female Sagittarius may need a bag to organize her excessive makeup collection, doesn’t mean a femme male Sag doesn’t!

Basically, if your boyfriend likes makeup or skincare, but identifies as male and heterosexual, don’t limit yourself to buying him what the masc version of his sign might like, just buy him what he’ll actually like. Non-binary is easy, too. Ignore the “femme/masc” headers and just buy for the sign!

Sun and Moon

I think we all are aware of the Sun sign (“month-ish” in which you were born, i.e. January = Capricorn (ish)), but Moon signs are important to take into account, too, when gifting. If the Sun says “I Am,” the Moon says “I Feel.” If you know your giftee’s Sun sign, but don’t feel like that gift is something they’d enjoy, check their Moon sign, and go from there. Moon signs are easy to search based on date of birth on Google. You can simply look up “date of birth moon sign” in the search bar, and Google will come up with the result based on your local time and place.

If the result is between 0-10 degrees, or 20-29 degrees, it will help to know where your giftee was born, just to make sure you have the correct information. BUT, hopefully, your giftee isn’t a complicated one, and knowing their Sun/approximate Moon sign will be enough!

Now that we all have a basic understanding of gender expression and astrology being more than simple horoscopes, let’s get into the good stuff! Stay tuned for Part 2, where I dive into Gifts for Your Femme Significant Other.